there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
And the cops told us we were all naked.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
