i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
