like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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