fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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