bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
