You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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