I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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