You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
