woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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