Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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