if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
