I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
