I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Panties = found
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
