So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
