Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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