Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
