4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
