May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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