I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
