and you said cock pushups were impossible
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
