He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
