was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
