I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
