I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
