Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
