roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Enjoy the penises
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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