Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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