My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
