look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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