the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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