kristin has been a bad kristin
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
