Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
