remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
