after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
