I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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