don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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