I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just googled if crying burns calories
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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