don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
