youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
