Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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