why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
