Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
