I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
