Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

wow.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah, it was that bad.

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(703): View more from Virginia

capris are just wrong

(703): View more from Virginia

its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

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(905): View more from Ontario

Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.

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(516): View more from New York

The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?

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(251): View more from Alabama

That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning

(334): View more from Alabama

...did you just create a word for what we did?

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(870): View more from Arkansas

If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.

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