Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
