so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
