i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
what is it with giant penises always finding me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
