I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
