Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
