Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
