I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
