How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
