I'm so fucking centered right now
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
